Pain is just the first step. Or is it?

With my upcoming Chiron return – although it’s a little delayed due to Chiron retrograding at the moment – I spent quite an amount of musing about his part in relationship astrology. Sadly, my mentor in this field – Dawn Bodrogi – has passed away in November, before finishing her long-awaited book ‘Beyound the Wound’ on Chiron in Synastry.

I remember one of our talks about someones Mars being spot on my Chiron – she said that this was one of the most compelling and also most painful aspects. ‘He will hurt you. I’ll guarantee that.’ And so he did, in a very male/martian way. In the aftermath, I don’t know what made me so calm about it. Was it, because the whole thing felt like a part of my rebirth / healing process? She also said, that the Chiron person is usually the one, that is ‘spirtually more evolved’ and capable of going the extra mile, although there is no guarantee that it’ll pay off in the long run.

As I’m about to change a lot of things in my life at the moment, I thought of engaging more in astrology again, because the subject never failed to fascinate me over the last 34 years. Which says a lot about someone with Virgo rising, a Gemini Moon and Mercury / Sun in Aquarius, I guess 😉

So, for my own Chiron studies, I’d like to invite everyone to share their hurtful/healing relationship experiences with me. Chiron’s hurts are the one of the soul, not physical. If you want to participate, just send me your birth dates (date, time, place) and the one of the person you suspect you’re having (or had) a ‘chironic’ relationship with. I’ll check if Chiron is indeed involved and get back to you – either with a short explanation if your problems aren’t/weren’t caused by Chiron, or – if Chiron is involved in a significant way – further questions about how it all played out for you.
Also I’m interested in your personal Chiron-return storys. Chiron (in transit) returns to the place he is in your birthchart at a given point between age 49 – 51. Around ten years later followed by the more commonly known 2nd Saturn return which is also a pretty challenging time for most people.

My theory about the connection between these two major transits at the moment is: if you handled the Chiron return wisely and came to terms with your ‘inner wound’ – the 2nd Saturn return will find you prepared. If not … and this is just a shot in the dark at this point from my personal view – it might be a time, when both themes will show up on your doorstep. Your Chiron’s placement indicates where your soul is wounded and vulnerable – while Saturn represents your (karmic) fears.

Without pain, we’d never know what happiness feels like – and sometimes we just need to overcome our fears and be brave enough for the first step out of our comfort zone. It can hurt, but there is so much to be gained.

... STARGAZING

What is love?

I feel like channelling my inner Carrie Bradshaw today … so I can’t help but wonder:
is it love, when someone just can’t let go? Even if they admit that they were never truly happy in their longterm marriage? Claiming they still love and will always love the other – but all the same wish that they’ll never have a happy day in their lives again?

When people ask me of my astrological opinion of their partnerships, I’m able to differ and see things as they are. Whereas when I’m regarding my own relationships, I tend to throw all objectiveness over board and see things through mostly rose-tinted glasses. Like: ach, these hard Saturn-aspects are just minor ones, right? Pain is just the first step, haha – who cares?

So maybe it’s the same for people who are perfectly able to give precise relationship-advice to others, but are completely blind to the mistakes they make themselves.

Still there’s one thing, I just can’t wrap my head around: why would you ask to marry someone whose hobbies you don’t share, who’s friends you despise and who’s general attitude to life just isn’t your cup of tea, in the first place? And feel depressed, when he fails to change everything about him, to make you happy, when he thought, you were happy and loved him the way he was? From a distance (and also very clearly in astrological terms) it looks like, there were two people falling not for each other as they were, but for the picture of a ‘love of their life’ they’ve formed of each other in their mind. Then sticked together no matter what, because one isn’t one to give up easily and would never admit, to have made such a grave mistake as choosing the wrong partner – although suffering and feeling like sacrificing themselves for a greater cause all of the time. And the other being someone used to ignore and sit out problems, hoping they’ll sort out somehow along the way – while being perfectly able to draw personal happiness out of other things in life.

This mixture for desaster ended in betrayal. Born out of physical and emotional distance one party obviously couldn’t bear any longer. Still unexcusable. But at this very moment a year has gone past the decision to sort things out in a fair way for both and end a marriage one party admittedly hadn’t spent a single happy day in. So is it still love or just a hurt ego causing them of all people – to still stalk and emotional blackmail – because it wasn’t them, that ended it all, but their significant other? Whom they’ve constantly accused for years that he won’t ever get anything afoot? When the one thing he finally did, was telling them, that he’s seeing no future in staying together anymore? Is it, because he hadn’t the /right/ to do this? Did they see themselves as the only ones, ultimately entitled to ‘pull the plug’ and leave? Because they’ve ‘invested’ more suffering in the relationship over the years?

In German there is a verb for the feeling we have, when someone is publicly embarrassing himself: fremdschämen. Witnessing someone making a complete fool out of oneself in writing emails ranging between declarations of love and outright hatred of the worst kind, telling – easily to reveal – lies and all in all trampling their own dignity in the dust over and over, stirs a lot of fremdschämen and pity in me. Saying things like ‘If you really loved me, you’d done this and that.’ … ‘If you really cared about our relationship, you’d changed yourself.” … is not love, but the path to emotional abuse. Love has no strings attached. No one needs to disown himself for the other. If someone constantly fails to meet your expectations – he is not ‘the right one’ for you. It’s as easy – albeit painful to realize – as that.

I’ve ended my marriage too this year – but although I’ve been also initially ‘left’ for someone else, I’m grateful that we were both able to resolve this like adults and treated each other with respect. Maybe because we always had and never lost the ability to honestly talk to each other over the course of our almost 30 years of marriage.

I’ll tend to continue this way in the one to come.
Here’s to love. Whatever it is.

... THINGS FROM DINGS

Winter is coming …

Tomorrow the Sun will move into Cancer and we’ll experience the longest day of the year in the northern hemisphere. Which also means that from now on the days will get shorter again and – yes – winter is coming …

As my natal Moon is in the last degrees of Gemini I always feel this ‘change of season’ in my soul. This year even more so as Saturn is currently in a Position exactly opposite my Moon. The last time it has been in this exact spot was 29 years ago, in the summer in which I got married.

So I’d like to interpret this as a time of serious and longterm decisions about my future and most of all my soul’s happiness. Saturn is currently retrograde and so he was opposite my Moon in the beginning and will be opposite my Moon again at the end of this year, before he finally ‘moves on’. So I have this whole timeframe to properly prepare for ‘winter’.

People with their Sun or Moon in the last 10 degrees of Virgo and Pisces might experience this as a very hard time as Saturn is squaring their natal planets and this will mostly be felt as unwelcome boundaries to body & soul. Whereas the ones with their Sun or Moon in the last degrees of the Fire and Air signs (Aries / Leo / Sagittarius and Aquarius / Gemini / Libra) might be provided with a helpful set of ‘new rules’ or facing lifechanging reality checks.

In fact it finally seems that things are about to fall into place for me. With a price I’m willing to pay.

Happy midsummer to all of you out there.

 

... STARGAZING