My dad died about 3 weeks ago. He had been ill for some years, after surviving tongue-cancer in 2005, he was diagnosed with COPD. But he was unable to quit smoking. And so, on a warm evening in July, a beautiful sunset glowing outside his hospital window, he closed his eyes forever while his 2nd wife Nina and I were holding his hands.

When I arrived, the man lying in that ‘intensive care’ bedroom only barely resembled the one I had visited (in the same room) just 2 days ago. Who was curious to see my new tattoo and insisted that I showed it to the (also tattoed) nurse that entered. Who sang ‘I can’t get no …’ when I said, that I had tickets for the Stones in autumn and told me, that he saw them at the famous Berlin Waldbühne gig back in the 60s…

But now he was already far away, laying motionless, looking right through me and Nina was still trying to pull him back with words. She said ‘you promised me 20 years – it hasn’t been 20 years yet’. I understood that my part was to help him to ‘let go’. So I told him, that I was there and that my sister, my mum and whonot (I said all the names aloud) knew that I was with him at this moment and that they all were thinking of him right now, and that he shouldn’t make it too hard for him and just let go. And then he went. So silent that we only realized that he was gone, when the doctor took my hand and said he was sorry, but that at least he’d died painless and without suffocating (which had been his greatest fear during the last 2 years) and with two of his closest family members at his side.

When I went home, I made a horoscope for his deathdate and had a sudden realization about that Saturn transit currently opposite my natal Moon. You only have these transits every 28 years and the last time, Saturn was in that exact position, my grandfather had died. Saturn makes rules and regulations and can also stand for ultimate endings. So, his opposition to my Moon seems to be some sort of marker for the end of a soul-connection. In my father’s chart, transiting Saturn was exactly conjunct his natal Chiron – his ‘wound’ and sore spot, while transiting Neptune was exactly opposite his natal Saturn – ‘dream’ opposing ‘reality’. So that also means that my dad’s Chiron was opposite my Moon – my last words to him might explain our relationship ‘You didn’t made it easy for us, but I was always proud of you. I love you.’. He was a difficult man, an artist, a painter, sex’n’drugs’n’rock’n’roll but he always said that the best things he’d ‘done’ in his life were my sister and me.

Last time, Saturn was opposite my Moon, one man left and then a new one entered my live. So let’s see if history’s repeating.

‘I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain, coming down a sunny day?’

4 comments

    1. I’ve never pictured me in this situation, but it was exactly the right way for me. We’ve had quite some differences over the years but in the end there was understanding and ‘peace of mind’.

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  1. One thing I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about since my mother died is the paradox between the fact that it’s an entirely expected situation and somehow almost no one anticipates. I’m glad you were able to resolve things.

    Liked by 1 person

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